The true story of how Prince William met his fiancé Kate Middleton

The true story of how Prince William met his fiancé Kate Middleton.

 

We are all very Jealous at Kate Middleton. Even the not so very gay of us. She has a prince! A real one! Here at WhatLeaks we have the real fake story of how she did it.

 

It all began at far, far away Berkshire, England. A young girl Kate lived in a small house with her evil mum, her dad and two evil young sisters. Her mum had a business that made toys for kids. Her dad was… there. Kate’s mum was mean. She made sweet young Kate work all day long at the barn making toys, while she and her two mean little sisters was out shopping all day. Her dad was still… there… the business was growing stronger each day and pure young Kate had to work harder and harder while her evil mum and two young sister was ordering her around “do this Kate! Do that Kate!” and it was really hard for pure young Kate. She never know what this and that means… and her dad… was still there…

 

One day news came to small Berkshire. The prince is coming to have a party with his friends. Some thing that big did not happen in small Berkshire since their Priest had a sex change operation. Now his a priestest… every one wore so exited, Even little sweet Kate. But sweet Kate did not know that her mean mum would not let her go. When she did found out she was really sad. She really wanted to meet the young handsome hot body, sweet cheeks, well build, just to rub chocolate all over and lick it up… prince… and there was a rumor going around that the young prince is looking for a girlfriend. He is tired of having sex with a different drunken slut girl every night.

 

The night of the party has come. Kate’s mum and her two little sisters went to the party in hope of being his not sluty girlfriend. Kate was left home in her dirty working cloths. She was sad. She really wanted to meet the prince. Then all of sudden she heard a voice. “Kate”. She turns around and saw the famous Trinny and Suzana. Kate was so exited. She asked the two. “Wow! Its you two?! What are you doing here?!” the two looked at Kate and said. “What? Look at you! You look like crap!” sweet little Kate did not know what to say… she did look like crap, and not in a good way (Elton john). The two started to make magic on sweet young Kate. They went to her mum’s stuff but did not find any thing for her. Then they went to her two young sister’s stuff and still did not find any thing for sweet young Kate. The time was running out. They did not know what to do. They stood there with no answers. Then they heard a voice that said. “I can help.” They looked and saw Kate’s dad. It was the first time Kate heard her daddy talk… ever. He had an American accent. Kate asked “daddy? Are you American?” her daddy said “yes I am. And I use to be a woman too… but that is a story for another day… come, I have the perfect dress for you darling…” Kate’s daddy, or mum… or what ever it is, showed her the perfect dress. His own. When Kate saw the dress her eyes light up. Kate put on the dress. She looked so beautiful. The tree looked at her and smiled. Her daddy said “wow my darling, you look so beautiful… you remind me of my self when I was young…” Kate said “that’s… nice… daddy…”

 

It was time. Kate has got to the party. Kate walked in the door. The room was full of people. Kate looked beautiful. Every one was looking at her. It’s like when she came in, time stooped and every one only saw her. But then Kate found out that she stepped on the DJ cable and the music did stop because of her. Sweet little Kate felt bad. But then… out of no where… Prince William came to Kate. Kate smiled to the prince. He smiled to her back. With out saying a word the two started to dance. It was a magical moment… the two danced all night long. Time past like charm. Then the clock struck 12! Kate said “oh no! Its 12! I have to go!” the prince asked “why my sweet? Is it because you’re chary will become in to a pumpkin at 12?” Kate said “what? Are you an idiot? No! There is a re run of ugly Betty. An episode I missed!” “Oh…” said the prince.  Kate looked at the prince smiled and said “oh fuck it. She’s ugly any way. What else is new?! I’ll stay with you.” they both smiled. They danced, and danced for hours and hours. Then the prince toke sweet little Kate to a privet room. They looked at each others eyes. Then they kissed. It was magic. It was a long sweet kiss. They looked at each other eyes and smile. Prince William started to take of his cloths. Kate asked “what are you doing?”  William said “what? We are going to shag now right?” “No!” said sweet young Kate “no we are not! I’m not like that!” prince William did not know what to do.  “OK…” said the prince “I think I’m going to go now…” the prince left the room. Kate shouted to him. “No come back! I was wrong! every one said that you’re looking for some thing serious! I am like that!!! I’m the biggest slut you’ll ever meet!!! I can do stuff to you that your own mum wont know who you are!!! And that’s only with my mouth!!! Come back!!!”  The prince did not heard sweet young… oh who are we kidding here! The just Kate, maybe just young…

 

After that night Kate and the prince become just friends. Then after a few years they meet again. They started going out. Kate showed him that she really can do amazing stuff… and ever since then there together like love birds.  Living happily ever after… So this is it boys and girls. If you can do amazing things in bad especially with your mouth you can get your self a prince or princes too.

 

Story by: haas All

Former Swiss banker Rudolf Almer is going to “tell” on few of his former clients

Former Swiss banker Rudolf Almer is going to “tell” on few of his former clients.

This is the fake news of the hottest topic right now. Rudolf Almer was a manager in the Swiss bank in the Cayman Islands, now his not. And he is very upset about it. He decided to “tell” on all his former clients. So we are about to find out who are the must riches people in the world. We here on WhatLeaks will try to make it more clearly for the more stupid people who read this and even give you some names for the less stupid readers. So here we go then…

 

So like we said, Almer is about to give a few names out. The biggest problem that we see is this. Next time when you will rub a bank or blackmail some one will you feel comfortable putting your money at the Cayman bank?  By the way, why do they call it BLACKmail? Why can’t they call it WHITEmail? Or just mail? Or at list AfricanAmericanmail?  Never mind, back to our topic. We are very worried, where will the bad guys in the movies go now?! Is this the end of bank rubbing movies? We won’t see ocean’s 567898? I planed to blackmail my mother next year. How can I do it now? Where are we, the little people? We here understand why Almer is doing this. His first plan was to blackmail his bank. But then after he thought about it he realizes that even if he can, he has no place to put his money. So what das he do? Ruin it for every one! Very nice Rudolf! I think you should leave your first name and change your family name to… you know what!

 

We here on WhatLeaks want to help. We have an advice for the bank. Your bank is on the Cayman Islands right? Islands! Not an Island! More then one! Just move your bank to one of the other Islands. And if they come to you and ask just say “what? It wasn’t us! It’s a different Island! A different bank! It’s not even on the same land!” then they will leave you alone, and all the bad guys in the movies can still use you. Every one wins. And I can finely blackmail my mum! Sorry, AfricanAmericanmail my mum.  Every one wins!!!  Yey!!!

 

OK now to the more interesting stuff. The names!!! The first name and in my opinion the most interesting one is the Joker from batman. Yes people, the Joker were one of Almer clients. We estimate that he had about 150 millions American dollars in that bank. We said “had” because we saw that he burn it all in the movie. Such a shame, he was a good client. And we also know that John Travolta and Halle Berry put some of their money in sword fish. I still don’t get this movie. So was john a good or a bad guy? And what was Halle Barry doing in this movie except of showing her hot smoking body?! And of course the entire ocean gang members. Except of that chip Jewish dude, he put all of his money under his mattress.

 

We hope that we helped make it more clearly for you. And we truly hope that our advice could help the bank too, so next time some one rubs a bank or AfricanAmericanmail some one he will have a place to put his honest money in. did you hear that mother?!!!

 

 

 

Story by: Alot F Cash

Horrible document. Former president George bush passed on a deal that could save four American troops

Horrible document. Former president George bush passed on a deal that could save four American troops.

This is a fake fact that shocked us all. Former president bush passed on a deal that could have save four young American troops. In 2005 president bush got an offer from General Muhammad Al Wharbireavngftes from the Iraq army force. The General offered bush the four American troops in exchange for 5 million American dollars and a goat. Bush did not agree to Muhammad’s offer.  We here at WhatLeaks have the exclusive fake conversation between the former president with the not former guy with a bird. You decide for your own if it’s the right decision. This conversation takes place at 3 a.m eastern American time.

 

(Phone rings)

George: hallo… is that you mommy?…

Muhammad: no… it’s me. General Muhammad Al Washngghmm…

George: who?

Muhammad: General Muhammad Al Wgfgnhgghhjg of the Iraqi army.

George: oh… who?

Muhammad: never mind! Am I talking to George?

George: yes this is he. Him. Me. I… mmm… yes… George… me…

Muhammad: ok… are you the president of the united state? right?

George: oh yes, and a very good one. Did you know that my daddy was a president too?

Muhammad: yes I do.

George: I love my Daddy…

Muhammad: that’s nice.

George: one time when mommy was away I came in to my daddy’s room and he was watching gay porn…

Muhammad: ok mister president! That’s enough about your Daddy! I called to talk business.

George: business? What business? I don’t have any business. I’m just the president of the united state…

Muhammad: well that the business…

George: oh I see… so you want to buy the statue of liberty?

Muhammad: NO I DON’T WANT TO BUY THE STATUE OF LIBERTY!!!

George: oh… I see… so you want to sell us the statue of liberty? Because I’m sorry I don’t think we need another one…

Muhammad: NO I DON’T WANT TO SELL YOU THE STAUE OF LIBERTY! Is your daddy home? Can I talk to your daddy?!

George: oh no… sorry… just me… and some dead looking women here…

Muhammad: who?

George: my wife.

Muhammad: oh… ok let me try to make it simple so you will understand.

George: oh thank you that’s so kind of you.

Muhammad: ok. So my offer is this. Remember last time you wore here visiting Iraq?

George: no. was it nice?

Muhammad: no it wasn’t nice! It was war!

George: war?! Wow that’s bad. Why? What happened?

Muhammad: (silence…)

George: mister General?

Muhammad: ANY WAY! So the lest time you wore here, you remember forgetting some thing here?

George: my bathing suite?

Muhammad: no.

George: oh I know! I’m good at this game, my camera?!

Muhammed: no!

George: my wife???….

Muhammad: NO! And it’s not a game! You left some of your troops here! In our hands!

George: really? Last time I looked all my toys wore in place…

Muhammad: your real troops mister president! Not your toy troops!

George: oh those… yee now I remember… how are they really?…

Muhammad: ….. Not so good… that’s why I’m calling you.

George: oh… now I see…

Muhammad: thank good…

George: witch good? Mine or yours… (Laughs)

Muhammad: OK!!!! So the deal is this! We want you to transfer to an account will give you 5 million American dollars! And a goat… and we will give you four of your troops.

George: a goat?

Muhammad: yee… the goat in my family died… it’s a shame… and make it a really good looking goat too…

George: why?

Muhammad: no reason…

George: I don’t know… 5 million sounds like a lot of money…

Muhammad: we are talking about four American life’s here…

George: yee I know… but 5 million is a lot of money… you know what you can do with so much money?…

Muhammad: save four lives?…

George: I don’t know… can I get a discount?

Muhammad: WHAT?! NO YOU CANT GET A DISCOUNT!

George: come on Ahmed, don’t be mean…

Muhammad: NO! AND THE NAME IS MUHAMMAD!

George: potato, potato… come on… be nice… 40%

Muhammad: NO!!! ITS 5 MILLON AMERICAN DOLLARS!

George: oh come on! Stop playing hard ball!! I tell you what. We’ll make a deal. Let’s do 1+1. You’ll give me six troops. And I’ll give you 5 million dollars… what do you say to that?

Muhammad: how is that 1+1?…. any way NOOOOO!!! The deal is four troops for 5 million American dollars! AND A GOAT!!!

George: mmm… well Abed… I think I’ll pass then… it just doesn’t sound like a good deal for me… sorry…  and your not really being nice to me here so I think I’m going to pass on your offer…  but thank you for offering any way. That was really nice of you…

Muhammad: what? You’re saying no to me?!

George: well yee… you sound like a really nice terrorist and all. And I’m sure you kill people really nice but it’s just a bad deal for me. Sorry. But I’ll tell you what. You can call Bill Clinton. He buys every thing… he’s a real sucker. He still thinks I can ride a horse… so Abed I wish you good luck with your deal, and have a good night..

(Hangs up the phone)

Muhammad: hallo!!! Hallo!!! George?!! Hallo!!! Still there!!!  At list give me Bill’s phone number!!!

 

We know, hard stuff, to read and hear. It’s a good thing we didn’t have to see that. This is the time I’m glad that I’m not working in television. That and because I have this big zit in the middle of my forehead that never go’s away… any way… hard document… but this is who we are here on WhatLeaks. We deliver you the fake truth that no one else can or want too… or stupid enough to do so…

 

 

 

Story by: Edi Yoth

Gaza blame Israel that because of them there on a brink of economic collapse

Yes, yes… there still fighting between them. The Israelis and the Arabs. Like two little ugly children. Now Gaza says that because of Israel there on a brink of economic collapse. Oh come on! Who are you guys kidding?! Your economy is collapsing since basically ever!!! You’re just trying to pick a fight again with the Israelis! WHY DON’T YOU TWO JUST GET A ROOM!!! We know, we know! You fight all the time!!! We get it!!! But come on! It’s so clear you love each other!!! We saw all this kinds of movies. first you fight then you realize your really in love.  So get to the in love part all ready! This is getting to be really annoying!!!

 

A really smart Israeli dud said in Adam Sandler’s movie “the Zohan”-“every one in the world really hates us, because they think we’re you…” it’s so true. We do! Who the hell can tell between the two people?! I’m not sure they even can! Really, what is the deal with that?! Ah?! Are you guy’s twins? Really?! Do you have the same mother? You look exactly the same! So stop fighting and just get a room!!! You know you want to! And did you stop and think that no one likes you maybe because you fight all the time? Really! You two are like an episode of Jersey shore. Come on! We love your zees for life but this is getting ridicules. By the way, when you say zees for life what do you really mean? Why would I have zees for life? It sounds like a disease. Das it helps in your sex life? Is it like a Viagra pill?

 

We know that over the years presidents of the united state are trying to make Pease, but with no success. Barack Obama is no better. There still can’t stop fighting! We here on WhatLeaks thought that out of every one he could do it!  After all he his part Israeli and part Arab and a few other parts that we don’t care about at this moment. But he can’t! We thought he has more nuts then that! By the way did you know that Barack has an obsession for nuts? He loves nuts! He loves big rough nuts, since he was a child. When he played basketball, in the Locker room he used to eat nuts all the time! Before the game and after!  One time he even eat the coach’s nuts!  People thought that because Barack loves nuts so much he could get along with the Israelis and Arab and bring the peace. But NO! We wore wrong! He can’t! there still fighting all the time while Barack is playing with his nuts!!! So disappointing!

 

I think we should send Dr Phil to the Middle East.  He can make them stop in one way or the other. There are a few options. One: just to get rid of him they will stop fighting. Two: he will be so annoying that they will make him the enemy. And then they will stop fighting. And tree: they will like him so much and give him a show on Gaza pay for view. So let’s do it! Let’s send them Dr Phil and let our leader keep playing with his nuts. I’m sure that the great Dr Wont be worst.

 

So please Israelis and Arabs, just stop fighting… please… its just stupid… why won’t one side just say “I love you” and that’s it! Stop it. It’s like in that movie with Jennifer Aniston and Jerad Butler. There wore in love all this time! That’s so cute… but couldn’t they found that out before?! Like two hours before? So we wouldn’t have to sit and watch that movie? You see Israelis and Arabs; you’re like that movie that no one even knows his name. But in your movie it’s for years now!!! In the name of all humans out there! And every thing that is pure in life! Just please stop this movie!!! Please!!! Oh and when you will kiss and make up, please open a humus place together, your great at it-and we do love you for that. By the way I never know, is humus and Hamas are the same thing? Really, what’s the difference?

 

 

 

Story by: P.S Andy Love